Pumpkin and Spice

My final installment of culinary experimentation comes courtesy the "Quick Fixin' Dinners" chapter of "Velveeta: Recipes for People Who Eat Food". I think the chapter intro says more than I ever could:

"These recipes are designed for quick and easy preparation. And to reflect that, we decided to name these recipes 'Quick Fixin' Dinners'. Notice how we dropped the 'g' on the word 'fixing' to show how quickly these dinners can be made. By dropping the letter 'g', we have created a visual cue, so the reader will be convinced that these really are quick recipes and that they should try them for that reason alone."

My second foray into the world of "Velveeta: Recipes for People who Eat Food" come from the chapter entitled "Mexican Madness". The chapter info:
"Your self control slowly diminishes, your eyes widen and your taste buds begin to pulsate... you have been diagnosed with Mexican Madness. This condition may sound a little scary and intimidating, but once you expose yourself and others to these recipes you will discover that being absolutely mad is a blessing and should be cherished and spread to others." Uhhh... what?

One plus side to the Velveeta recipes is that they've been turning out well. They're easy and so far, have been consistently good. Certainly not five star gourmet cuisine, but it is nice to have a recipe that you know you'd have to do something really awful to screw up.

One year in my Christmas stocking I got a small, paperback cookbook (2000, according to the publishing info inside). It's one of those "brand name food item" cookbooks that you find at the grocery store checkout with the National Enquirer and People magazine. It's called "Velveeta: Recipes for People Who Eat Food."

I think Santa gave it as a joke, because while everyone needs more Velveeta recipes, this is one strange little cookbook. The recipes are exactly what you'd expect, but the actual copy in the book is a little... quirky. I don't know who wrote it (no author is credited), but the chapter intros are so weird that I have to assume they locked the guy in a windowless room and told him he couldn't see his wife or kids until he wrote about "Quick Fixin' Dinners". I'll provide an example in a moment.